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Hawthorn House

A guide for the early days

You don't have to read all of this today.

This page is here for whenever you want it. Read one line, or one section, or close the tab and come back in a month. Nothing here expires, and nothing here expects anything of you.


THE FIRST DAYS

What is happening right now is survivable, even when it does not feel that way.

Most parents tell us the first week is not a week they remember clearly. Sleep is broken, appetite is gone, and time moves strangely. That is grief doing what grief does, not a sign that something is wrong with you.

You do not have to make decisions this week. Not about a service, not about what to do with the nursery, not about telling people. Those can wait, and when you are ready, someone here has done each of them and can talk you through it.


Four things that might help today

None of these are steps, and there is no order to them. They are the things parents in our circles said they wished someone had told them in the first week.

  • What is happening in your body, physically, is normal. Bleeding, milk coming in, and exhaustion can all continue for weeks. Your care team expects these questions.
  • You do not have to answer your phone, reply to messages, or explain anything to anyone.
  • If you want to be alone, that is allowed. If you do not, that is also allowed, and someone will sit with you.
  • You can reach a peer who has been here at sarah@example.org. There is no intake form.

The first weeks, and the first year

Grief does not shrink on a schedule. These are the moments parents tell us caught them off guard.

Going back to work

Often harder than expected, and often better than expected, on different days. Some parents find a short written note to their team saves them from having the conversation forty times.

The due date

For many parents this lands harder than the loss itself. Marking it, quietly and on your own terms, helps more than trying to let it pass unnoticed.

Other people's news

A pregnancy announcement can knock the wind out of you a year later. You are allowed to mute, leave, and decline. You do not owe anyone a performance of being fine.

Being asked how many children you have

There is no right answer, and yours can change depending on who is asking. Parents in our circles have every version of this, and none of them are wrong.


When you want a person instead of a page

Our support circles meet weekly, in person and online. You can come and say nothing. People do that often, and nobody will ask you to explain yourself.

See what we offer A guide for the people around you